“Because of the dog's joyfulness, our own is increased. It is no small gift. It is not the least reason why we should honor as love the dog of our own life, and the dog down the street, and all the dogs not yet born.“ Mary Oliver
Sophie, a 14-lb Bichon Frise, was my best friend through the most difficult years of my life—-since 2012. People think we were together all of her 21 amazing years, but she found her way to me after living most of her life in Singapore with my brother and his family. But Sophie and I packed a lifetime into the 7 years we were together! Y
We met in Nahant, Massachusetts, at my parent’s house. I was unmoored and about to move across the country to Portland, Oregon, from Virginia, and was visiting at the time Sophie came on the scene from Singapore. I had heard many Sophie tales from my brother and family over the years, but when I actually met this spry and sturdy little character, I fell head over heels. I immediately took her to Dog Beach and we got our groove on.
We clicked. We both had curly hair and we both liked to move quickly and with a good deal of zest. She was in transition, and so was I, and we really needed each other.
I won’t go into the depressing details of that early time we were together. It’s all in my book, Loveseed: The Template For Birthing A New World, and Sophie was one of the biggest reasons I got through it all and was able to write the book.
When both my knees blew up and my once athletic body had a hard time walking, not to mention my sinking spirits, Sophie’s joy was like manna from heaven. With her exuberant spirit even late in years, she needed to take long walks in the Oregon woods, and I came along for the ride.
We made a pact, Sophie and I, and it was one of the most important parts of our relationship. I promised her I would see her all the way to the very end of this earthly life, and if I could have a say In how it would go, I would be holding her and she would not be in pain. Making this agreement at a time I was not really seeing much reason to remain alive was very significant!
She made a kind of promise too, moment by moment, to show up full on with nothing held back.
We both kept our agreements. I realized that today, which is the day I said good-bye to Sophie’s earthly body. I had been wrestling with the question about her life for days. The quality of her life had diminished to mostly sleep, she had been taking a dog weight gainer supplement for over a year and then in the past few days, she cried when she was awake and not being held. She still gobbled down the dog casseroles I had been making her for months, so we continued on.
Sophie was masterful as he surrendered to her decline. She lived fully in the moment, and she embraced the power of her nows. She didn’t worry, or compare, or lament that her little body was scrawny or that her once abundant fur (her original name was Snowball) was sparse and yellowed. She was masterful in the art of letting go, and she expected the Universe would yield to her…and it did. The promises we made came true.
She stopped eating yesterday, and her little hind legs had given out. I had asked her over and over to let me know when she was ready, and we were at last there. I had contacted a dog intuitive the day before, but with no response, so I knew I needed to talk with Sophie directly. We always had.
She wanted me to know that she felt my love all the way to her little black nose.
She thanked me for keeping my promise.
She told me that she had more fun in these past years than she ever could have imagined.
She reminded me that life is about joy and to feel joy when I think of her.
She promised she would find me again.
I asked if she would let me know when she was around.
She said in the moments I feel joy I will know.
I thanked her for being my best of best friends.
I thought of the words from Mary Oliver’s poem In Blackwater Woods on the way to the Veterinary Hospital today. It brought me such comfort!
Every year
everything
I have ever learned
in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side
is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
What happened when I said good-bye to my dog is that I set my dog free, as well as a part of me that is forever connected to her. She showed me directly that the act of being committed to the wellbeing of another is a gift that never stops giving. The pain of letting her go transformed into the love that never dies. What I am left with is deep gratitude and a well of memories that make me smile.
A precious story about a precious sweetheart. Sophie spirit and sweetness will always live on in my heart.
So lovely. Almost at the same time my friend Barbara Marx Hubbard left her body. And the love you have for your dog I have for cats.
I am sure this blog touched all of us who let go of a prescious sentient in our lives. Thank you for writing so beautifully about Sophie.
Thanks Diane. I wanted to honor that little character who gave so much!
Kathleen, Everything you write is so heartfelt and this one is tops. I know you loved Sophie to the moon and back and what grace you have in letting her go. I honor that!
Thank you Nina. You know the love. We would do anything for them, and they for us!
A big hug to you Kathleen!
With love, Billie
I feel it Billie. You would have liked Sophie!
No one who has shared a beloved connection with a companion such as yours could possibly read your post without shedding a tear for all of the connections we’ve shared, grieving and exuding joy at the same time over our loss and our tremendous gain. Thank you for sharing this, Kathleen.
Thank you Gary. We are the lucky ones…..those who know the love of an animal so true.
Blessings to you Kathleen. I so enjoyed your sharing the experience. I love the way you write and express yourself.
Thank you. Sophie was happy I shared our love story.
Dogs bring unspeakable amounts of joy. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Unspeakable!! Thank you Courtney.
Very sweet story. Thank you for sharing it with us, using your gift of writing.
Thank you Lynette. Words do connect us, as we all know the love.
Love to you, Kathleen. Sophie will be missed.
Thank you Francine. The house feels very empty!
I shared Sophie’s and your love story on Facebook Kathleen because you were kind enough to share. I botched the day of one of my dog’s passing. We made the call with the advice of the vet
but it was too soon for her. I felt awful and then one day, a few months later at an animal communication workshop, she came bouncing up to me during the meditation and let me know how happy she was and not to worry, that I had not screwed up after all. It was a huge surprise and deep relief. Dogs really do give us the experience of deepest love and devotion. Sending appreciation for you………………..
Thank you Candy. They are so very forgiving!